October 5, 2011

So what do you do when your past starts to come and bite you back in the butt? Do you run away or stand up and fight back? It is a hard question to answer because you never know until this type of situation arises with oneself.

So readers, it has been a while since I have last posted on here. I am glad I am writing again. I want to say I have a lot to talk about but really that is not the case. I mean sure some ares of my life are still shaky but I really doubt you want to read about my emotional break downs, my insecurities, and my lack of hope and trust for the world around me. 

Although that would make an interesting story I really don’t think it is what I would have in mind for this blog. I could be wrong though and maybe that is what I really need to do at the moment and just let everything go. I just wish things wouldn’t bite me back in the a**.

Today my heart still longs for Kayla’s presence. She is upset with me now and kind of has a right to but I think I have more of a right at this point to also be upset and pissed off because I am the one who is paying for her phone. Her “Life Line”, so she can communicate with the world and make money. Of course she has raised her phone bill ever so slightly higher every month and it is really becoming a headache for me. Yet I am not allowed to complain or she makes threats of leaving me with the cancellation fee it’s self. Yea that was a really big fight.

I still do care for her but if I want in her life at all, I have to accept that we are just friends. I am not sure what a friend really is but I am going to have to learn. I also found out she is the type of girl who would rather stay home and get high or intoxicated instead of going out to the movies, bowling or coffee with me at least. So I am not going to go against my own morals and I will do my best to not smoke to just be with her but their needs some compromise between the two of us. I am willing to do almost anything because I am that needy now. She is my only friend well she was. :(

Well I’ll be off. I managed to get myself a job working on 2012’s website. I am converting it to mobile as well so a fun 3 week project in my spare time.

So until my next post
Stay Safe.

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