why?

Just woke up and feeling depressed from the break up with kayla. I really don’t understand how she could be acting the way she is. Maybe age has a factor or maybe it is the abortion that has thrown her for a loop. Either way it is a very complicated situation to be in. We both wanted the child then I left for work for a week and when I came back she dumped me and is having an abortion. I am so confused.

How am I to survive knowing that it must of been something I have done that must have sent her to this state of mind. Did I kill what could have been my child? Am I a murderer? Who am I and why am I here in my pajamas writing to who ever cares to read these words. I feel very alone at the moment. I wish I didn’t but I do.

I know I have a lot written on this blog some of what dates almost 3 years ago. My heart has been through a lot and I don’t know a solution that isn’t suicide or running away. Damn I am 21 for christ sakes. Why should I have to go through these situations. Why do I go looking for them? Why is the biggest question that is in my life.

Anyways I just awoke, I will keep you all up to date soon enough. Take care.

J. Poisson

I’m hopefully back.

Dear Readers,

I have come to notice my life has hit several cross roads which have split me into several personalities. I have no issue with this except that maybe I am fishing for answer that may not even exist. So what am I doing?

Multi-blogging from my blackberry and my computer. As well as some other projects which will be pursued in ways that will mend my broken heart.

Until my next post,
J. Poisson